StillSmart

This morning on the motorway, I looked over to see a woman in a VW Golf with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver.
That knocked the meat pie out of my other hand, in all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs.
This splashed and burned "Big Jim and the Twins", ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

BLOODY Women Drivers.

I know the same as happened to me while driving my truck...

All the above plus i was staring at the display on my digi tachograph to check my driving time with the truck lights switched off to see the display clearly while wearing my readers........in the dark

Yeah, I heard about that. I think you forgot to mention that "Big Jim" was trimming your toenails at the time, whilst the twins were busy with broom and dustpan fielding the clippings and doing the weekly mop-up. They were fortunate enough to catch the scalding fluid on their rhinocerolianly-calloused undersides so were no worse for the douse - and maybe the creamer acted as a bit of a moisturizer.

And what with Big Jim being both peckish and supple (not to mention keen as a wolverine for anything smelling the least bit like carrion, and you've got to admit that meat pie had been in the glove box at least a fortnight) even the hand meal was saved from an ignoble demise on the floorboards.

Unfortunately, like an anaconda swollen and torpidly stupid once it inhales a tapir or medium-sized Jivaro, big Jim tends to loll about and is not easily or quickly tucked out of sight just after a drink and big meal. The traffic constables might have waived you on with a warning had it not been the third such incident since Christmas...

Sorry Cherry,much as your posts usually make me smile,I really don't think the grammar police allow made up words like rhinocerolianly,even allowing for US of A spelling.
I suggest a cold shower,a rub down with the local free ad-paper,and a re-focus.
All the above suggested with love and affection,well at least no horrible nastiness,if you get my drift.
You are a pen smith,with the ability to understand a word or two.
Language,with colloquialisms,must be a bugger for the robots to learn in their onward march to domination.
And just to get back on topic: I have no issue with women drivers;in my 38 years on the roads,the majority of knobs have been men,well they would be,it's a male appendage.
I was going to use the word dick,-same thing really.
While it seems the majority of the signed up users of this site are male,let's try not to get into some old fashioned gentlemens club thing of being sexist;I for one do not wish to alienate a wider sisterhood from this thing we do.
Here endeth the lesson.

Robert.

Sometimes you must create a thing of transcendent glory just so that it will exist, however briefly, in this world. "Rhinocerolianly" bloomed forth when I sought restlessly for a word to encompass the concept of plate-like leatheriness: tannin-toughened, weather-tempered, tartan-chafed-to-near-impregnability. It stood before me on quaking, spavined limbs, the reeking birth meconium steaming and dripping noisomely from it - and I called it beautiful and knew it would serve handsomely.

So says my Wabi-sabi, baby. I love it even more for its iconoclastic imperfections, for it's uncouth angles and soi-disant syllables. I commend you to look upon it again with softer eyes and a/an (even more) humorous heart.

re: women and the lesson - I, for one, will sit studiously at your feet and mewl for even scraps of the insights you command regarding the (usually) "less-rhinocerolian sex." Speak on, MacDuff, and damn'd be him (or her, to be egalitarian about it) that first cries, 'Hold, enough!'"

PS: I've met more than one ball-less dick in my life - and a great number of women hauling around the most enviable big, brass clackers you can imagine.

Good answer

Cherry Yidaki wrote:Sometimes you must create a thing of transcendent glory just so that it will exist, however briefly, in this world. "Rhinocerolianly" bloomed forth when I sought restlessly for a word to encompass the concept of plate-like leatheriness: tannin-toughened, weather-tempered, tartan-chafed-to-near-impregnability. It stood before me on quaking, spavined limbs, the reeking birth meconium steaming and dripping noisomely from it - and I called it beautiful and knew it would serve handsomely.

So says my Wabi-sabi, baby. I love it even more for its iconoclastic imperfections, for it's uncouth angles and soi-disant syllables. I commend you to look upon it again with softer eyes and a/an (even more) humorous heart.

re: women and the lesson - I, for one, will sit studiously at your feet and mewl for even scraps of the insights you command regarding the (usually) "less-rhinocerolian sex." Speak on, MacDuff, and damn'd be him (or her, to be egalitarian about it) that first cries, 'Hold, enough!'"

PS: I've met more than one ball-less dick in my life - and a great number of women hauling around the most enviable big, brass clackers you can imagine.

Phantom: "Good answer "

Thanks, man. It was a lark of a lyric, not brillig by any means, but one could (and did) make the case for bandersnatcheronianisms, frumious or no, eh? Heeee... >:D

I enjoyed the word craft here, it reminded me of the late Les Dawson..rip.

Thank you.