Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
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gaza the instructor
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Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Ambition... burn bum on bedroom light bulb !
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
The last one is not me.... 
Ice.
Ice.
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Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about Jamaican sugar, now Demerara.
Jokes about Jamaican sugar, now Demerara.
To Gin-finity and beyond !
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
I believe that might be your own recital.
WelshGin.
Still Dreaming.
Still Dreaming.
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gaza the instructor
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Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Sweet Mash Sweet!!Mash wrote: Thu Jan 19, 2023 9:17 am Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about Jamaican sugar, now Demerara.
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Tacky. It stuck to my oral orifices upon ingestion.......needs to be beat with a cane etc etc.
WelshGin.
Still Dreaming.
Still Dreaming.
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gaza the instructor
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Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
People who live in Dubai don't like The Flintstones.
But those in Abu Dhabi do !!
But those in Abu Dhabi do !!
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Mash & Gaza should be on the stage........one leave's at noon be on it....
Ice.
Ice.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
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gaza the instructor
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- Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2019 4:45 pm
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Wot WelshGin ? My joke or the Mash and Gaza double act.
We are famous or is that infamous and coming to a Pub near you.
We are famous or is that infamous and coming to a Pub near you.
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
I'll take 2 tickets Gaza.....
Ice.
Ice.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Is it a charity performance? Open mike? There are so many on this forum who would empty the hall and fill the stage (coach). I still like that! Where is my local pub, pretty well much gave up that game before Covid. I enjoy real ale but was unable to crawl back from nearest pub that served it. I still drink pints, however they have ice and lemon/lime/olives/cocktail beetroot/rosemary/cucumber floating within. Now have a concern someone would question my sexuality...need to catch the wife.
Lovely Sunday. Thank you all. Enjoyed the Gin. X
My wife still has both of her legs and is mobile, I still can't catch her! No interference allowed.....
Lovely Sunday. Thank you all. Enjoyed the Gin. X
My wife still has both of her legs and is mobile, I still can't catch her! No interference allowed.....
WelshGin.
Still Dreaming.
Still Dreaming.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
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During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
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The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and 'count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
Ice.
Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
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During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and 'count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
Ice.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
'I had to change my computer password, so I used 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves' - well, it said it had to be 8 characters.'
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A man boarded a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to, of all people a beautiful blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
WHO THE HELL RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
Ice.
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A man boarded a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to, of all people a beautiful blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
WHO THE HELL RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
Ice.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.
One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia, reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f**k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless
Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.
One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia, reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f**k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless
To Gin-finity and beyond !
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother'
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A lady walked into the vet with her duck.
Help me she said, I don't thinks he's well.
Pop him up on the table and let's have a look said the vet.
Oh my, he's dead said the vet.
What. You haven't even checked him over.
OK. Hang on said the vet.
He goes out and comes back with his labrador who jumps up and sniffs him from head to foot.
He then sits down and shakes his head.
Sorry said the vet, the duck is definitely dead.
What, that's not proof the duck is dead. I want a second opinion.
So the vet goes out and comes back with his cat, who jumps up on the table, sniffs the duck up and down and sits down and shakes his head.
That's it, he's gone said the vet, and handed the lady a bill for $200.
What, why so expensive?
The vet said, "it would have been cheaper without the lab results and cat scan".
Ice.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married."
================================================================================================
A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother'
===================================================================================================
A lady walked into the vet with her duck.
Help me she said, I don't thinks he's well.
Pop him up on the table and let's have a look said the vet.
Oh my, he's dead said the vet.
What. You haven't even checked him over.
OK. Hang on said the vet.
He goes out and comes back with his labrador who jumps up and sniffs him from head to foot.
He then sits down and shakes his head.
Sorry said the vet, the duck is definitely dead.
What, that's not proof the duck is dead. I want a second opinion.
So the vet goes out and comes back with his cat, who jumps up on the table, sniffs the duck up and down and sits down and shakes his head.
That's it, he's gone said the vet, and handed the lady a bill for $200.
What, why so expensive?
The vet said, "it would have been cheaper without the lab results and cat scan".
Ice.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
-
gaza the instructor
- Valued Member / Donated to SS
- Posts: 3464
- Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2019 4:45 pm
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
I have a bad joke!!
Sadgit Khan and his ULEZ. This twat single handed and in less than two months has
almost the entire population of London baying for his blood. In one move he has turned
the position of Mayor of London into a joke.
I have a beautiful Mercedes 320 CLK 1998 42000 miles and spotless it isn't worth much ,but
was my late fathers, it is non compliant so from August every time it comes out of my sons
garage I have to pay £12.50 if I turn right, turn left free!!!
Sorry guys rant over, but here on the edge of GLC as it was, we pay but get none of the
benefits.
Sadgit Khan and his ULEZ. This twat single handed and in less than two months has
almost the entire population of London baying for his blood. In one move he has turned
the position of Mayor of London into a joke.
I have a beautiful Mercedes 320 CLK 1998 42000 miles and spotless it isn't worth much ,but
was my late fathers, it is non compliant so from August every time it comes out of my sons
garage I have to pay £12.50 if I turn right, turn left free!!!
Sorry guys rant over, but here on the edge of GLC as it was, we pay but get none of the
benefits.
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre.
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Ice.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Ice.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
To Gin-finity and beyond !
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
To Gin-finity and beyond !
Re: Jokes. An angel will be born. A bell will ring.
Working in a multi cultural environment, I am often told 'foreign ' jokes. I do work in a Japanese company.
Both of these Gems from a Rumanian, whose name is Eduardo Bananau. I believe they show a lot about his/their culture.
Number 1.
A Japanese company developed a robot to catch pick pocketing thieves in a crowded environment.
They introduced the robot into the UK, it caught 20 thrives in an hour, 25 in Germany and 35 in France, in Italy the robot gave an 'error' result, because possibly the hexadecimal disdplay only had 3 characters. Finally it was delivered to Romania, the results were inconclusive there as the machine was stolen after 20 minutes.
Number 2.
A married Romanian man, disappointed by the reception he received when he returned home from work decided to test or establish who loved him the most.
So the following morning he coaxed his wife and dog to his car. He locked them both in the boot of his car at 09.30am.
When he returned from work that evening he unlocked the boot of his car. Both his wife and the dog jumped out. His wife screamed at him and beat his chest. The dog rubbed against his shins, tried to lick his genitals and barked joyously at his return.
Conclusive results hey?
I did laugh at both jokes and thought, how true.
Both of these Gems from a Rumanian, whose name is Eduardo Bananau. I believe they show a lot about his/their culture.
Number 1.
A Japanese company developed a robot to catch pick pocketing thieves in a crowded environment.
They introduced the robot into the UK, it caught 20 thrives in an hour, 25 in Germany and 35 in France, in Italy the robot gave an 'error' result, because possibly the hexadecimal disdplay only had 3 characters. Finally it was delivered to Romania, the results were inconclusive there as the machine was stolen after 20 minutes.
Number 2.
A married Romanian man, disappointed by the reception he received when he returned home from work decided to test or establish who loved him the most.
So the following morning he coaxed his wife and dog to his car. He locked them both in the boot of his car at 09.30am.
When he returned from work that evening he unlocked the boot of his car. Both his wife and the dog jumped out. His wife screamed at him and beat his chest. The dog rubbed against his shins, tried to lick his genitals and barked joyously at his return.
Conclusive results hey?
I did laugh at both jokes and thought, how true.
WelshGin.
Still Dreaming.
Still Dreaming.